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Band 4

some people believe that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children. Others say that they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion

#people #competition #children
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These days, Children are taught to
be facing
Wrong verb form
face
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 challenges and not
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 up in their schools.
While
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 it is true that, competition can encourage youngsters to become more brave and
confident
Correct quantifier usage
more confident
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, statistically parents who teach youngsters cooperation have tended to be more humble and kind
such
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 as helping nature and proper manners
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 results in
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 upbringing. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my views with examples. In my view, little ones need to be more humble and learn that competition is not always the key to success. Many young adolescents in high schools get offended when they
are come
Change to the active voice
come
have come
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 second in studies because parents pressurise minors to always be the first no matter what,
this
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 affects the growth of children and develops self-doubt that they can never make their parents happy. Indeed, a 2020 report by the child psychologists team reported that children who are always focused on being the first and competing with other teammates, are proven to be 80% depressed and are more inferior.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is one of the main reasons why
kids
Use synonyms
 feel left out.
Moreover
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, competition in school
kids
Use synonyms
 gives them anxiety attacks when they do not complete a task on time. In the same article from the child psychologists team, as mentioned above, doctors claim that young
kids
Use synonyms
 who are always
pressurized
Verb problem
pressured
show examples
 to win no matter what by their guardians are proven to be introverts lacking social skills, and almost 60% of
such
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 turns them into bullying their classmates.
However
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, these actions of always being competitive make the youth more aggressive and anxious. In conclusion, these are some of the many drawbacks that teaching minors to always be more competitive can lead to a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset in youths. Surely, individuals guiding youth to learn to be humble and kind
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 benefitted society in many ways.
At the end
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 of the day,
such
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kids
Use synonyms
 grow up and become responsible citizens who actually care for their people.
Submitted by khadijamahme96 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use transition words and phrases to logically connect ideas and support the main points.
task response
Fully address the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of competition and cooperation in children. Ensure that the examples provided are relevant and support the main points effectively.
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