IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax an fastfood would reduce the problem. Do you agree?

#nutrition #obesity #countries #people #tax #fastfood
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Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
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diet
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 has caused health problems and weight-related problems in some
first
Linking Words
-world countries.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 often it is said that fast
food
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 should be taxed to mitigate the problem, I think taxation alone is not enough and other measures should be taken to lessen detrimental health effects,
such
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 as education and promotion of healthy eating.
First
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 of all, most people who are regular consumers of fast
food
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 are not aware of negative consequences,
such
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 as weight gain.
Therefore
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, it is essential to inform and educate society on
this
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 matter, using educational posters on the
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
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 chains.
As a result
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,
public
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the public
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 will become informed about the harmful effects of an unhealthy
diet
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 and will try to consume less of it.
Additionally
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, local authorities should advertise and advocate nutritious
food
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 for children at schools. The Irish government, as an example, rewards children who participate and maintain a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 based on their weight. If students manage to lose weight, they will be rewarded.
Finally
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, the availability of fast-
food
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 restaurants makes it easy to access these meals. For
this
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 reason, it is important to limit the number of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 chains, so that fewer
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 have less access to unhealthy
food
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.
For instance
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, New Zealand reduced the number of
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants significantly to 1000 in the whole country, which resulted in reducing obesity. In conclusion, taxing alone can not be the final solution for poor
diet
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 and other actions,
such
Linking Words
 as informing
community
Add an article
the community
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 on
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 effects of these kinds of
diet
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 and promoting healthy eating using posters and rewards.
Submitted by emaddorrani4 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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