IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#music #world #country #support #arguments #evidence
Music is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 crucial cultural and conventional issue of a kingdom and a wealthy style of
song
Add an article
the song
a song
show examples
 might be determined all over the
global
Replace the word
globe
show examples
 that now no longer handiest entertains us
however
additionally
 expresses our joy, nationalism, freedom, happiness, love and struggles
within side
Correct your spelling
withinside
show examples
 the best shape of arts. Despite the big recognition of worldwide
song
,
conventional
Add an article
the conventional
show examples
song
 remains greater critical because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 adherence to the conventional elements of a country. We want
song
 as it makes our
lifestyles
 significant and accompanies us in the course of our lives. In our childhood, we concentrate and research
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 clearly as a shape of amusement and joy. We discover ways to sing our
country wide
Correct your spelling
countrywide
show examples
 anthem and our mother and father sing to us to assist us
sleep
Change preposition
in sleep
show examples
. Later in
lifestyles
, we come upon lots of songs and
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 as a part of our
lifestyles
 memories and our favourite
song
 regularly defines the man or woman we become. In our antique age, we see
lifestyles
 and recite reminiscences via
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 we love. Music each expresses and arouses feelings in a manner that phrases on my own cannot, and it tells memories of our lives that we
lengthy
Replace the word
long
show examples
 to hear.
Thus
 we want
Add an article
the song
a song
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 to relax, to be entertained, to be inspired, to specific our emotions and regularly to alleviate boredom in
lifestyles
. In thinking about which sort of
tune
 is the maximum essential, we have to renowned that conventional
tune
 teaches human
beings
 approximately their records and enables human
beings
 don't forget and maintain their
country wide
Correct your spelling
countrywide
show examples
 and cultural identity.
International
Add an article
The international
show examples
tune
 is frequently set in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very one of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
kind surroundings that we haven't any revel in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and in spite of attractive and wonderful lyrics and
tune
 style, it is usually a business product which fails to mirror the proper memories in our
lifestyles
. Traditional
tune
, with the aid of using contrast, expresses the culture, lifestyle and records of a rustic and offers narratives of human
beings
 and their
lifestyles
 in a manner to be able to be constantly relevant.
Thus
 conventional
tune
, with
none
Correct quantifier usage
no
show examples
 doubt, is greater essential for us as human
beings
 in a society and a rustic. In conclusion,
tune
Add an article
the tune
show examples
 is a vital a part of our
lifestyles
 and existence, and I consider that conventional
tune
 ought to receive greater significance than global
tune
 in order that we are able to revel in
tune
 now no longer simplest for entertainment’s sake
however
additionally
 to research who we truly are.
Submitted by sony.bansi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: