IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people spend longer hours at work. Why does this happen? What problems can this cause? Is it positive or negative development?

In many countries, employees are working longer
hours
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.
This
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 is because of economic
pressure
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 and cultural expectations, which may bring short-term benefits.
However
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, longer
hours
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 at
work
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 are believed to have a negative impact on individuals and society. First of all, a major reason is that
people
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 have some
pressure
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 from their companies and cultural expectations, and they may maintain the operation of machines to remain profitable and efficient.
For example
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, there are many semiconductor companies in Taiwan, which are suppliers for some Western companies.
As a result
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, some engineers are always under
pressure
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 when they have responsibilities for production. They have to keep the quality of products and maintain constant operation. The second factor is the high Cost of Living ,housing and rental , which is economic
pressure
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 from society.
Therefore
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, when
people
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 spend longer
hours
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 at
work
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, they earn more money.
For instance
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, in some specific industries of Taiwan,
people
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 get paid higher salaries owing to longer
hours
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 at
work
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 and their expertise. They don't have the choice to spend less time on their job.
Although
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 longer
hours
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 at
work
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 bring a higher salary, they may face some health problems, including heart disease and depression. Many reports claim that
people
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 take a risk of sudden death when they
work
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 longer.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 aren't able to spend time with their families. They may difficult to maintain their relationships with friends and families. Some statistics reveal a decrease in birth rate
due to
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 overworking. If
people
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 are forced to sacrifice private time by longer
hours
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 at
work
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, they may lose their health, relationships and lives. In conclusion, it is argued that
people
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 are working longer
hours
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. It is largely negative for employees and society. It is reported that
people
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 have mental health issues and some severe illnesses.

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planning
Plan a short plan before you write. Put your view in the first line. Then give two clear ideas, each with a simple example. End with a short seal.
grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes and stay with simple verb forms. Use 'Because' to start a reason and 'However' to show a change.
organization
Use clear links. Use words like First, Also, But, Then to show steps and ideas.
task response
Keep a clear view on the main point and stay with it. Do not repeat the same idea twice.
content
Add more ideas from life at work and make a wider view. If you can, show how work hours can affect people in a many ways, not only one example.
strength
The writer has a clear view that long hours can be bad.
strength
The essay uses real life work ideas from a country.
strength
The ending restates the main idea.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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