These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the recent world,
a
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apply
show examples
numerous
individual
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individuals
show examples
are
chosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
to maintain their health by following
on
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apply
show examples
the
doctors
Change to a genitive case
doctor's
doctors'
show examples
opinion or taking
a
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apply
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medicine more than changing their
lifestyle
to become healthier. From my point of view, I disagree with the idea that
people
rely only on
doctor
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doctors
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or medicine rather than changing their
lifestyle
to become healthier. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in detail.
Firstly
, it is true that
people
are going to
doctors
but rather than rely everything on
doctors
, I would rather say that they are going to find
a guidelines
Correct the article-noun agreement
guidelines
a guideline
show examples
or to know their health status so that they will know
on
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apply
show examples
what their body is insufficient or need more caution on so that they could improve for on their
lifestyle
.
For instance
,
people
are going for
check up
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checkup
show examples
and they know that the vitamin D level of their body is lower than average. They can improve their
lifestyle
to run early in the
moring
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morning
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as morning sunlight has vitamin D.
Secondly
,
excerising
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exercising
is become
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becomes
has become
show examples
more popular in
the
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apply
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society. These activities reflect the importance of
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
that
people
are reminded
.
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of.
show examples
For instance
, in Thailand, many
teenager
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teenagers
show examples
are going to fitness or doing some exercise to make their
heart beat
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heartbeat
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on a high level so that the blood could flow easier.
Moreover
, to burn their fats and build muscle so their body
are maintain
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are maintained
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in shape and strong. In conclusion,
eventough
Correct your spelling
even though
people
are going to
doctors
or taking some supplements, it
is disagree
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is disagreed
show examples
that
people
are not changing
to
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apply
show examples
their
lifestyle
to become
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
.
People
are using
doctor
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doctors
show examples
for
Add an article
a guideline
show examples
guideline
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guidelines
show examples
or taking
Add an article
the supplement
a supplement
show examples
supplement
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supplements
show examples
in the area that their health needs to be improved which in my opinion, it is one of the healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
people
should have done.
Submitted by nuanpan.aumm on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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