IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many companies invest their money in sport games for advertisement purposes. Some people think it's good for the sport world, while others believe that it has some disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #money #sport #games #advertisement #purposes #people #world
There is a growing discussion that most regions attempt to engage athletics in the
game
 world. Many suggest that the action would be good for the athletics field. Others,
however
, take a different point of view and emphasize the need for more concerning its drawbacks. In my opinion, it is better for the
sports
 industry to cooperate with
game
 enterprises. On one side of
this
 arguments have been put forward in opposing the statement. To elaborate, it is not worth their money because the target group of athletics is varied on the demographic factor. In fact, if they invest money in inventing gamification, it may grab attention from youngsters only.
Furthermore
, when it has become to the tournament season, there might have fewer audiences than it used to be in the past.
For example
, teenagers may be addicted to video playing and forgot to watch a contest program.
Therefore
, they shouldn't waste their budget on creating a
game
. In spite of the above argument, I hold the view that a
sports
 business should produce a
sports
game
. As, in general, the
sports
 season occurs no more than 4 times annually,
thus
this
 could cause viewers to lose interest during
this
 gap.
Thus
, proposing a project on a
game
 will assist them to keep attraction from populations until a tournament season begins. On top of that,
this
 will be a significant opportunity for them to increase their Return on Investment at the same time.
For instance
, in a
game
 they could promote a business could promote its merchandise
such
 as athletes' shirts in the items used for playing in a
game
. And for these reasons, cooperating
sports
 companies with the
game
 industry will be a good consideration. In conclusion, having analysed both arguments, it is clear that investing in games is beneficial for
Correct article usage
the
show examples
sports
 business.
Submitted by chdreamzase on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: