IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

#students #phones #school
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The line graph illustrates how different the number of
noise
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complaints
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 in Virginia in the
years
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 1980 to 1996. From 1980 to 1984, there were around 300
people
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 complained about the traffic
noise
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 in Virginia.
However
Linking Words
, a static experience
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dropped to 200 of
people
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 complained during the
years
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 1986 and 1988.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
years
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 of 1990, 350
people
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 started to make a complaint about the traffic
noise
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 and it means there was a slight increase by 150
people
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 that made a complaint about
this
Linking Words
. And the traffic
noise
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 was abruptly inclined to 600
complaints
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 in 1996. Many
people
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also
Linking Words
 complained about the road works in Virginia. There were 500
complaints
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 in 1980. It plunged during 3
years
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 and the number of
complaints
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 started to fall in 1986 and 1988 by 100
complaints
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, 800
people
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 started to make
complaints
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 about road works in 1990 and it climbed sharply to 1210
complaints
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 in the
years
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 1996. Factories seem not to have many
complaints
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 from the majority of
people
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. It started at 400
complaints
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 in 1980 and it slightly increased
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 200
complaints
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 in 1982. It experienced to fluctuate in the
years
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 1982 to 1996.
Lastly
Linking Words
, domestic
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
households suffered to have 650
complained
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
 in 1980.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, it started to decrease to 600 in 1982 and the
complaints
Use synonyms
 always fell year by year until 1996.
Submitted by putri.andhiyani on

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task response
The essay addresses the task topic and provides an overview of the information presented in the line graph. However, some parts of the information are inaccurately reported, affecting the overall clarity and accuracy of the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. The main points are somewhat supported with examples, but there are inconsistencies and errors in the details provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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