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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countires, many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universitiy studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

#countires #people #work #travel #year #school #universitiy #studies
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As
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 is changing,
people
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 trying to explore different ways to make their lives better and to understand the real purpose of their lives.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of following the standard practices
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 other
people
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 follow
such
Linking Words
 as finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
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 and
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 directly to
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 for
further
Linking Words
 studies
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, there are some
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of not
to follow
Change the verb form
following
show examples
 the standard timeline but it
also
Linking Words
 comes with some disadvantages. As
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 is evolving quite fast,
people
Use synonyms
 can take out some time from their regular studies to explore the possibilities around them and it is only possible if they get a chance to travel as travelling is the best way to learn new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 quickly and it helps human being to think broader without any boundaries.
For example
Linking Words
, after High
Use synonyms
school
Add a comma
,school
show examples
 if
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 is getting a chance to visit other countries, they will get a chance to know about different cultures, meet different
people
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 which may help them to decide what they want to study in future as well as
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 after high
school
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 can
also
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 give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
really good and practical exposure to them. Working after high
school
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 can help students to generate
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
,
importance
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the importance
show examples
 of money, improve communication skills and it
also
Linking Words
 gives an opportunity to look
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 broader
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
.
Thus
Linking Words
, travelling and work can give exposure which a person can never get by studying.
furthermore
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, there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages
such
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 as, in the
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 if the students are taking
gap
Add an article
a gap
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 year it might affect their
addmission
Correct your spelling
admission
 process as the study break might be considered that the student is
incompetant
Correct your spelling
incompetent
.
also
Linking Words
, as soon as
people
Use synonyms
 finish their studies they can get
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 good job and can live independently at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. In conclusion, It is always a good idea to take a break and explore the opportunities by travelling or working but one should not take a longer break which might make things more complicated while taking
addmission
Correct your spelling
admission
 to the universities.
Submitted by MK on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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