IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays , many people spend less and less time at home .What are the causes of this? what are the effects of this on individual and society?

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Over the past of recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, It is often said that more and more people have been
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more time out than at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It is fair to say that has causes and Marjory effects on all communities. I will point out some examples in
this
Linking Words
 essay on followed paragraphs. Another problem that needs to be considered is that nowadays even those who live in a city or in the countryside have to work to afford to feed their family and pay their bills
such
Linking Words
 as electricity, Internet, food, and others.
For example
Linking Words
, In ,general many are spending at least 6 hours at the workplace plus a couple of hours on the way in and out.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, we have a rising number of unemployed
As well as
Linking Words
 that, It is easily seen
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 individuals who do not have a successful career there are tended to develop serious drawbacks to their capacity
of living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
 on their rights.
For example
Linking Words
, some of them do need the help of public doctors. In Brazil every year
has increased
Verb problem
,
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of people
who have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 depression because they do not have much time with their children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Today's days
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the extreme necessity of
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 success on their Instagram pages to others has driven them down to suffering diseases
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety, anguish and countless different types.
To sum up
Linking Words
, pros and cons will always exist when people try to argue about
this
Linking Words
 subject which I believe that we should try to find a balance between work and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living our lives.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, our government should provide more benefits to the community to treat mental problems and health issues.

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language use
Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Provide more precise examples to support the main points effectively.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively to achieve greater depth in your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next for better coherence.
introduction
The introduction sets the context for the essay's discussion of causes and effects.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both individual and societal impacts.
conclusion
The conclusion sums up the main ideas, emphasizing the importance of balance in life.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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