IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate. Give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 argue whether to save
money
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 or to spend it to their heart's content as soon as the paycheck arrives. Both of these statements are reasonable and I will discuss them in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many enjoy splurging their income the moment they receive it as it gives them a thrill of spontaneity.
This
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 behaviour is justifiable as it gives them instant gratification, which could often be addictive.
For instance
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, often when
people
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 give in to the urge
of spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
money
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, there is a dopamine rush leading to instantaneous pleasure.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who spend most of what they earn right away can afford a higher standard of living, leading to more thrill and comfort.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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,
people
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 often save
money
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 as it provides them with a sense of
security
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 for the future.
Additionally
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,
this
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 sense of
security
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 is not only limited to current conditions
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 allows
people
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 to put aside
money
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 for medical emergencies or an investment plan.
For instance
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,
people
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 are said to have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 stress-related illnesses when they are reassured by their savings account.
Furthermore
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, saving
money
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 helps with vacation plans since they are able to accurately budget and plan for a trip they would enjoy.
This
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 acts as supplementation to the, already strong, sense of
security
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 that saving
money
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 offers.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the excitement that spending
money
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 right away provides cannot be overlooked.
However
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, I believe, saving
money
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 is of utmost importance, as it provides financial
security
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 and serves well
incase
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in case
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 of medical emergencies.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both perspectives on saving and spending money, providing clear arguments and examples for each side. However, try to provide a bit more detail in your examples to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Maintain this structure, but work on ensuring each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next, possibly by using more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction does a good job of setting up the debate, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your position. However, ensure that your conclusion also touches briefly on the main points discussed in the essay to provide a more rounded ending.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to make your points more compelling and engaging.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints clearly and provides reasons and examples for each side, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion is clear and states your opinion definitively, which is essential for a strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow, with distinct paragraphs for each major point.
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