IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Student should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#student #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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While
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 many believe that
students
Use synonyms
 have to cover all educational expenses, others consider that a part of
tuition
Use synonyms
 fees should be paid by graduate
students
Use synonyms
 since they will eventually benefit society somehow. I agree with the latter argument, and the reason will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it might seem sensible for some to claim that
students
Use synonyms
 are supposed to pay their full
tuition
Use synonyms
 costs.
This
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 is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
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 because universities provide
students
Use synonyms
 with more specialized knowledge in different fields
according to
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 their interests, so once these
students
Use synonyms
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from university, they might be recruited by excellent companies
due to
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 their educational backgrounds. Take Master of Business Administration (MBA)
students
Use synonyms
,
for example
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; after graduating from business school, most of them are likely to work in consulting firms where they can gain financial advantages. From
this
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 perspective, it is logical why some think that the cost of study should be fully paid by each student.
However
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, I personally argue that people who pursue higher education from academic institutions including universities and colleges should not carry the entire educational costs, seeing that they can utilize their talent and potential to make contributions to society. In my country,
for instance
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, both engineers and data scientists can help make more innovations and technological progress that
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 the country in the long run.
Therefore
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, it would be preferable if a portion of the
tuition
Use synonyms
 costs should be sponsored by the government regardless of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 majors. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable that some professions can potentially
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves, I am of the opinion that each of them should be not-fully pay their
tuition
Use synonyms
 fees as they will give back to society by creating new inventions.
Submitted by kathyphilla on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, but ensure that each paragraph is well-connected with the preceding and following ones.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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