IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
The controversial topic concerning the use of social media has never failed to draw attention. A group of people believe that social network has a poor effect on youngsters
while
 other people think that it brings people together from different areas. In my opinion, these social networking sites have a negative effect on teenagers and over the course of the essay, I will give relevant reasons and examples to support my opinion.
To begin
 with, the long hours of sitting in front of screens can cause
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 health issues for the kids.
In addition
, it can trigger their growth and development.
For instance
, teenagers may not be able to gain their required weight and height.
Further
, it can
also
 affect their eyesight and
as a result
, children can end up wearing glasses for their entire life. A sedentary lifestyle can lead to obesity and diseases
due to
 being overweight.
Moreover
, the overuse of social media by young ones can weaken the family bonds as kids spend most of their time on Facebook, WhatsApp and other
such
 sites.
Furthermore
,
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 meetings will be reduced and
thus
, it can reduce their ability to interact with others.
For example
, kids talk to each other through these websites and
therefore
 may not build the expected relationship with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children of their age.
Additionally
, it may lead to poor academic performance. In conclusion, I would say that
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
show examples
 use of mobile phones is definitely affecting the new generation adversely. In my view, they should spend more time with their family and pay attention to their health and academic performance.
Submitted by jogdeep8454 on

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task response
Ensure all points directly relate to the topic. Include counterarguments for a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
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