IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The controversial topic concerning the use of social media has never failed to draw attention. A group of people believe that social network has a poor effect on youngsters
while
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 other people think that it brings people together from different areas. In my opinion, these social networking sites have a negative effect on teenagers and over the course of the essay, I will give relevant reasons and examples to support my opinion.
To begin
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 with, the long hours of sitting in front of screens can cause
long term
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long-term
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 health issues for the kids.
In addition
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, it can trigger their growth and development.
For instance
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, teenagers may not be able to gain their required weight and height.
Further
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, it can
also
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 affect their eyesight and
as a result
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, children can end up wearing glasses for their entire life. A sedentary lifestyle can lead to obesity and diseases
due to
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 being overweight.
Moreover
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, the overuse of social media by young ones can weaken the family bonds as kids spend most of their time on Facebook, WhatsApp and other
such
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 sites.
Furthermore
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,
face to face
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face-to-face
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 meetings will be reduced and
thus
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, it can reduce their ability to interact with others.
For example
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, kids talk to each other through these websites and
therefore
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 may not build the expected relationship with
the
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apply
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children of their age.
Additionally
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, it may lead to poor academic performance. In conclusion, I would say that
excessive
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the excessive
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 use of mobile phones is definitely affecting the new generation adversely. In my view, they should spend more time with their family and pay attention to their health and academic performance.

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task response
Ensure all points directly relate to the topic. Include counterarguments for a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
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