IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
Numerous scientists think that children ought to be learned playing musical instruments. In my opinion, there are only benefits to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 musical instruments.
First
 of all,the main reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 playing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different musical instruments can give us an amazing mood.
However
,not only playing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a musical instrument can give us a good mood
,
Add the word(s)
but ,
show examples
also
 singing,listening to
music
,dancing too. After school every child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to relax,they can relax only with
music
. They always enjoy doing it. In my own experience, my little sibling goes to an additional course to learn playing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 guitar and
singing
Replace the word
sing
show examples
. I respect him,he
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
buzy
Correct your spelling
busy
buys
,not lazy.
All time
Add a hyphen
All-time
show examples
 he does
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 homework and
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 modern songs.
In addition
,when I studied at school my
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 lesson was
music
. In that lesson we could everything like singing, dancing,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 new songs and our teacher taught us to play in piano.She taught me to love
music
. In conclusion, I totally agree with
this
 idea.
Furthermore
, in
Add a hyphen
present-day
show examples
present
Add an article
the present
a present
show examples
 day everything is developing, especially
music
,
subsequently
Add a comma
,subsequently
show examples
 I would like to say
parents
Change preposition
to parents
show examples
,that we must
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 our children, maybe they love playing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a musical instrument, we can assist them to choose a profession . If they want to be
singer
Correct article usage
a singer
show examples
 or musician,
that is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to be rich
Submitted by khushnudrustamovich on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: