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Band 3.5

In some cultures, the old age is more valued, while in some cultures the youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#cultures #age #youth
Depending on
age
, some cultures provide younger
generation
,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 others respect more old
age
 people. In my point of view, elder people experienced more and lived longer than
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation
,
that is
 why old
age
 should be more valued these days. Nowadays, some cultures
value
 youth more than old
age
,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 which negatively
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 to
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
show examples
 of elders. It can demonstrate that
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 of elder people are meaningless and less important in society.
For instance
, some countries make a lot of projects that
are link
Change the verb form
are linked
show examples
 to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
's lives rather than
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 all sides of
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
 problems.
Finally
, it may be seen as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prejudice and stereotypes that totally affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humanity. According to statistical data from 2019, the more
value
 get teenagers,
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 chances of disrespectful relationships between parents and children
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 too.
In
Change preposition
From
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family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
 should be more valued or the same level as youth one. Due to young
age
, teenagers can act rude to their own parents, because of more
value
 they get in their culture. In conclusion,
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 on
age
 can take to issues as disrespectful relationship and
meaningfullness
Correct your spelling
meaningfulness
 of
generation
. In fact, these problems
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 relatable in cultures where youth is more valued.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I believe that old
age
 values should be more concerned in
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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