IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some cultures, the old age is more valued, while in some cultures the youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#cultures #age #youth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Depending on
age
Use synonyms
, some cultures provide younger
generation
Use synonyms
,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 others respect more old
age
Use synonyms
 people. In my point of view, elder people experienced more and lived longer than
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 why old
age
Use synonyms
 should be more valued these days. Nowadays, some cultures
value
Use synonyms
 youth more than old
age
Use synonyms
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 which negatively
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 to
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
show examples
 of elders. It can demonstrate that
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 of elder people are meaningless and less important in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, some countries make a lot of projects that
are link
Change the verb form
are linked
show examples
 to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
's lives rather than
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 all sides of
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
 problems.
Finally
Linking Words
, it may be seen as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prejudice and stereotypes that totally affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humanity. According to statistical data from 2019, the more
value
Use synonyms
 get teenagers,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 chances of disrespectful relationships between parents and children
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 too.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
Use synonyms
 should be more valued or the same level as youth one. Due to young
age
Use synonyms
, teenagers can act rude to their own parents, because of more
value
Use synonyms
 they get in their culture. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 on
age
Use synonyms
 can take to issues as disrespectful relationship and
meaningfullness
Correct your spelling
meaningfulness
 of
generation
Use synonyms
. In fact, these problems
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 relatable in cultures where youth is more valued.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I believe that old
age
Use synonyms
 values should be more concerned in
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: