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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebration #waste #individuals #society
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Parties are a way of celebrating happy and
memory
Replace the word
memorable
show examples
 events with family and friends.
People
Use synonyms
 can have programs for different occasions
such
Linking Words
 as
birthdays
Use synonyms
 and weddings etc. Many
people
Use synonyms
 celebrate
birthdays
Use synonyms
 and weddings for themselves and relatives because they want to show their affection and take photos of happy times. Mostly, children and young
people
Use synonyms
 are excited about their birthday because they will get a lot of gifts. We make plans and celebrate
birthdays
Use synonyms
 like festivals for our kids, his cousins and classmates were
also
Linking Words
 invited. My son was very happy, as everybody attending the party
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 good gifts.
However
Linking Words
, wedding functions are mostly for adults, and it is a rule in every culture that
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the wedding party will organize like formal event and invite their relatives on the special so that they can share and make a good memory.
However
Linking Words
, there is a problem with celebrating as it costs a lot of money. It is better to help or to donate the amount to the poor
people
Use synonyms
 and get the blessings and well wishes than spending too much money for weddings.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 show off and have big birthday and marriage parties after the ritual.
This
Linking Words
 is making it very difficult for normal
people
Use synonyms
 to celebrate important occasions. So,
people
Use synonyms
 get depressed because they don’t have too much money to have a big party. To conclude, celebrating wedding or
birthdays
Use synonyms
 are important because it is a very good way to make a memory and take a photo in good clothes to see in the future. But, taking
a bank loans
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bank loan
bank loans
show examples
 to celebrate is not good and
people
Use synonyms
 show spending based on how much they have.
Submitted by Toni R on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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