IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebration #waste #individuals #society
Parties are a way of celebrating happy and
memory
Replace the word
memorable
show examples
 events with family and friends.
People
 can have programs for different occasions
such
 as
birthdays
 and weddings etc. Many
people
 celebrate
birthdays
 and weddings for themselves and relatives because they want to show their affection and take photos of happy times. Mostly, children and young
people
 are excited about their birthday because they will get a lot of gifts. We make plans and celebrate
birthdays
 like festivals for our kids, his cousins and classmates were
also
 invited. My son was very happy, as everybody attending the party
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
 good gifts.
However
, wedding functions are mostly for adults, and it is a rule in every culture that
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the wedding party will organize like formal event and invite their relatives on the special so that they can share and make a good memory.
However
, there is a problem with celebrating as it costs a lot of money. It is better to help or to donate the amount to the poor
people
 and get the blessings and well wishes than spending too much money for weddings.
Also
,
people
 show off and have big birthday and marriage parties after the ritual.
This
 is making it very difficult for normal
people
 to celebrate important occasions. So,
people
 get depressed because they don’t have too much money to have a big party. To conclude, celebrating wedding or
birthdays
 are important because it is a very good way to make a memory and take a photo in good clothes to see in the future. But, taking
a bank loans
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bank loan
bank loans
show examples
 to celebrate is not good and
people
 show spending based on how much they have.
Submitted by Toni R on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: