IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As public safety is of the highest importance. it is often necessary to test new products on animals. It is befter for a few animals to suffer than for human life to be placed at risk by untested products. To what extent do you agree with above?

In modern days, it is vital to conduct trials of new products on
wild life
Use the right word
wildlife
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. Because human life is important. It is fair for a small number of
animals
Use synonyms
endure
Verb problem
to endure
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 pain rather than risking
peoples
Check wording
people's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 with untried merchandise. I completely agree with the statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many individuals are faced with different health ailments which require medicines to be treated.
Inorder
Use the right word
In order
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 to prevent
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 race from dying and
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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 good health among community members.
Linking Words
Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
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 it is safer to test on other species before giving it to human beings.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 the polio vaccine was tried on rats before administering it to children.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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animals
Use synonyms
 are resistant to severe side effects resulting from taking drugs.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 they are unlikely to die from it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the emerging beauty industry, multiple cosmetics are released onto the market
everyday
Use the right word
every day
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. These products have to be tested on
animals
Use synonyms
 to check for skin reactions and allergies before human use.
This
Linking Words
 helps business firms to save money by avoiding costly lawsuits
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
, therefore
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 increasing profits.
For example
Linking Words
, body creams are required to be certified safe before being applied
on
Change preposition
to
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 sensitive
skins
Fix the agreement mistake
skin
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is affordable and quicker to breed
animals
Use synonyms
 using laboratory
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 for these experiments than
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 species.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 it is of no harm to lose a few wildlife which can be easily replaced.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 lab rats grow to
mature
Correct article usage
the mature
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 stage within a week. In conclusion,
animals
Use synonyms
 are easily replaced and cannot press charges. For these reasons, I believe it is okay to sacrifice a few
animals
Use synonyms
 for the greater good of mankind.

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language
Fix small grammar and word use errors like 'wild life' -> 'wildlife', 'peoples life' -> 'people's lives', 'Inorder' -> 'In order', 'everyday' -> 'every day'.
structure
Make a clear plan. Have 2 or 3 parts. In each part, state one idea and give one example.
content
Give more real and clear examples and explain how they back your point.
content
Add a short note on the other side so you show you can think of both views.
tone
Keep a calm and formal tone and use simple, not strong moral words.
grammar
Try to use a mix of simple sentences and a few bigger ones to show grammar range.
content
The writer shows a clear view and keeps it in the essay.
coherence
There are good link words that help flow.
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