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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
In
this
 modern era,an increasing number of obese people is
one
 of the main concerns of society which indirectly links to many health issues that are complicated to treat. To effectively reduce
this
 problem, some authorities think that implementing more physical
education
 in the school curriculum is
one
 of the best ways.
However
, in my perspective, I do not fully agree with
this
 statement. Physical
education
 means sport,
activities
 with more interactive
activities
 with each other. Prior to introducing more sports classes, the ministry of
education
 needs to properly weigh study and curriculum equally. In conjunction, there's no doubt by increasing physical
activities
 can increase the metabolism of a person which can reduce the fat level in the body and train a person to be more active mentally and physically. The advantages of these
activities
 are significant marvellous. Despite the positive outcome, I personally disagree that increasing more physical
education
 can solve the obesity issue in
one
 country.
Firstly
, by implementing solutions that will not resolve the root cause fully, we need to know what is the cause of obesity and take action from there. I believed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
non-healthy
Add an article
a non-healthy
show examples
 diet like fast food plays a huge role in increasing the number of overweight people. Promoting a healthy diet should be
one
 of the actions to be taken.
Furthermore
, more physical
activities
 mean less curriculum.
This
 will affect the study and learning time of an individual which will bring some negative impact to the country.
Therefore
, sports subjects and curricula should arrange in a way that will bring
a positive outcomes
Correct the article-noun agreement
positive outcomes
a positive outcome
show examples
 for everyone. In conclusion, the research and data from WHO concluded ASEAN has the highest rate of obese individuals. I strongly disagree that solely physical
activities
 can solve
this
 worldwide issue.
Submitted by W on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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