In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

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Nowadays,

children

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's obesity is an ongoing issue in different countries all over the world, and

this

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belief has been accepted by a vast majority of

people

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that governments should face

this

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current predicament and resolve it. In my opinion, governments play a crucial role

to tackle

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in tackling

show examples

this

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problem. It is my view that governments should provide healthy programs for

children

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Change preposition

show examples

media to increase awareness of both parents and their

children

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instead

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of supporting the advertisements for unhealthy and sugary products. It is an undeniable fact that when

children

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and parents see only the fancy face of products and meals through these advertisements, they cannot realize how harmful and risky these are.

Thus

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, they do not know about the devastating effects of the high amount of fat and sugar on their bodies.

For example

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, it is a beneficial idea to make an educational program on TV to explain the

calorie

Fix the agreement mistake

calories

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and amount of fat and sugar which every nutrition contains.

As a result

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people

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are likely to decide better what to eat.

In contrast

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, some

people

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claim that families are responsible for

children

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's overweight, and they have to change their high-fat diet and unhealthy lifestyle. They firmly insist that if parents removed sugary and fast food from their meals, they could control the overweight problem among youngsters.

However

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, I do not find

this

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argument convincing, as if

people

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had the basic knowledge to understand and check the ingredients on food labels.

Therefore

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, they could control the intake of foods that are high in fats, sugar, and salt, and it is not necessary to eliminate all their favourite foods.

Hence

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, with an educational program, the government can control the overconsumption of unhealthy foods. In conclusion, I completely agree with

this

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argument that

government

Correct article usage

the government

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should have plans to overcome

children

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's obesity. Because increasing the basic knowledge and awareness of

people

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about nutrition and healthy diet and the harmful impact of sugary and high-fat products

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apply

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is the government's duty.

Submitted by nibbana333 on Mon Mar 28 2022

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task response

Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the previous one, and use linking words to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say the the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Buying things on the internet, such asbooks, air ticket and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?