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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
Nowadays,
children
's obesity is an ongoing issue in different countries all over the world, and
this
 belief has been accepted by a vast majority of
people
 that governments should face
this
 current predicament and resolve it. In my opinion, governments play a crucial role
to tackle
Change preposition
in tackling
show examples
this
 problem. It is my view that governments should provide healthy programs for
children
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 media to increase awareness of both parents and their
children
instead
 of supporting the advertisements for unhealthy and sugary products. It is an undeniable fact that when
children
 and parents see only the fancy face of products and meals through these advertisements, they cannot realize how harmful and risky these are.
Thus
, they do not know about the devastating effects of the high amount of fat and sugar on their bodies.
For example
, it is a beneficial idea to make an educational program on TV to explain the
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 and amount of fat and sugar which every nutrition contains.
As a result
,
people
 are likely to decide better what to eat.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that families are responsible for
children
's overweight, and they have to change their high-fat diet and unhealthy lifestyle. They firmly insist that if parents removed sugary and fast food from their meals, they could control the overweight problem among youngsters.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing, as if
people
 had the basic knowledge to understand and check the ingredients on food labels.
Therefore
, they could control the intake of foods that are high in fats, sugar, and salt, and it is not necessary to eliminate all their favourite foods.
Hence
, with an educational program, the government can control the overconsumption of unhealthy foods. In conclusion, I completely agree with
this
 argument that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should have plans to overcome
children
's obesity. Because increasing the basic knowledge and awareness of
people
 about nutrition and healthy diet and the harmful impact of sugary and high-fat products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the government's duty.
Submitted by nibbana333 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the previous one, and use linking words to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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