In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

Nowadays,

children

's obesity is an ongoing issue in different countries all over the world, and

this

belief has been accepted by a vast majority of

people

that governments should face

this

current predicament and resolve it. In my opinion, governments play a crucial role

to tackle

Change preposition

in tackling

show examples

this

problem. It is my view that governments should provide healthy programs for

children

Change preposition

show examples

media to increase awareness of both parents and their

children

instead

of supporting the advertisements for unhealthy and sugary products. It is an undeniable fact that when

children

and parents see only the fancy face of products and meals through these advertisements, they cannot realize how harmful and risky these are.

Thus

, they do not know about the devastating effects of the high amount of fat and sugar on their bodies.

For example

, it is a beneficial idea to make an educational program on TV to explain the

calorie

Fix the agreement mistake

calories

show examples

and amount of fat and sugar which every nutrition contains.

As a result

people

are likely to decide better what to eat.

In contrast

, some

people

claim that families are responsible for

children

's overweight, and they have to change their high-fat diet and unhealthy lifestyle. They firmly insist that if parents removed sugary and fast food from their meals, they could control the overweight problem among youngsters.

However

, I do not find

this

argument convincing, as if

people

had the basic knowledge to understand and check the ingredients on food labels.

Therefore

, they could control the intake of foods that are high in fats, sugar, and salt, and it is not necessary to eliminate all their favourite foods.

Hence

, with an educational program, the government can control the overconsumption of unhealthy foods. In conclusion, I completely agree with

this

argument that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should have plans to overcome

children

's obesity. Because increasing the basic knowledge and awareness of

people

about nutrition and healthy diet and the harmful impact of sugary and high-fat products

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is the government's duty.

Submitted by nibbana333 on Mon Mar 28 2022

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task response

Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the previous one, and use linking words to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

Nowadays, many people choose to be selfemployed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being selfemployed?