IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people saythhatbthe only reason for learni a foreig langua is in order to tavel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language

#people #saythhatbthe #reason #learni #foreig #langua #tavel #work #country #someone #language
Some
people
 support the idea that the only reason for studying a foreign language is
for travelling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 or
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in an overseas country,
while
 other
people
 support the idea that there are various reasons why someone should
study
 a foreign language. I will describe both views about
this
 topic in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 citizens
study
 other
languages
 in order to work or travel in these countries, which is shown
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 many pieces of evidence.
For example
, numerous academics for students' development
oversea
Fix the agreement mistake
overseas
show examples
 vocabularies or
languages
 increase every day.
In addition
, a number of workers spend money in these schools to
study
 to improve their skills in some
languages
 that they are necessary to
study
 for
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 in their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 in some countries that are not their hometowns.
On the other hand
, some
people
 desire to acknowledge other
languages
 for other purposes.
In other words
, some populations do not
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aim that
trains
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
 their
languages
 for working or travelling, but they desire to learn because others
such
 as watching movie series or TV shows,
reading
Correct word choice
and reading
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
books that do not modify words into their downtown
languages
.
Moreover
, some
people
 have a strange aim that they need to have boyfriends or girlfriends who have different nationalities from them.
To conclude
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of humans
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to several aspects, so the reason why they try their best to learn and practice other
languages
 is different depending on
people
's opinions.
For instance
, some
people
 have the main purpose for travelling and working;
on the contrary
, others have different aims including having couples of other nationalities.
Submitted by justoranat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more concise.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and improve accuracy in word choice.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: