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Band 3.5

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#happiness #responsibility #factors
It is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 common opinion that only a
person
 themselves can make themselves happy, whereas
others
 believe that it depends on
others
 and things around them.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the
one
 hand, being happy or sad is
feelings
Fix the agreement mistake
feeling
show examples
 that
people
 choose to feel
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
head
Fix the agreement mistake
heads
show examples
. If a
person
 tries to make contented
another
Change preposition
with another
show examples
one
, that
person
 will lose if another
one
 does not feel to be.
In addition
, not everyone will even try to cheer up someone, they simply do not care, so it is the personal duty of
people
 to feel happiness.
On the other hand
,
mood
Correct article usage
the mood
show examples
 of
people
Add a missing verb
is effected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by
Add an article
the situation
a situation
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, other
people
 and factors.
Moreover
, individuals around have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 power to impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 feelings.
For instance
, getting a present will definitely cherish everyone, even though they are in bad mood. Or if a pupil is getting tired
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 the end of classes and hears that they got a good grade, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school they will feel merry. In conclusion, being joyful or
nor
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 is
an a
Choose an article
a
show examples
 distinctive power that
people
 choose, but in some
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of situations and by
Add an article
the affect
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 of
others
 it is no longer
individuals
Correct article usage
an individuals
show examples
 duty. It depends on
person
Add an article
the person
show examples
 themselves and
others
 that
surrounds
Change the verb form
surround
show examples
 them, they can give
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 power to impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 happiness
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
others
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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