IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #music #form #entertainment #impact #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 have different opinions about
music
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 only a way of entertainment, while others believe that songs play a very important role in
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both of the views that
people
Use synonyms
 have and I support the view that
people
Use synonyms
 think that songs
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not a way of entertainment and it
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role in
society
Use synonyms
 The main feature is that melody can bring us an atmosphere of happiness and relaxation,
Fist
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 off
music
Use synonyms
 has the ability to change our mood which can alter our feelings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many working
people
Use synonyms
 or stressed students, most of them will choose to listen to a song to relax
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some scientists do an experiment most of them will enjoy more and more exciting
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work when they are listening to their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 song, so listening to tune can reduce our stress. .
Another
Change preposition
In another
show examples
 view,
music
Use synonyms
 is an important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
society
Use synonyms
, because tune can connect
people
Use synonyms
, no matter what country you are from, it can bring them together.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 go to a
music
Use synonyms
 concert, there will be a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 from other countries, they don’t know each other, but they can all feel the same thing by sharing their similar
music
Use synonyms
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
, so they can connect. In conclusion, listening to
music
Use synonyms
 can reduce our stress
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 of entertainment, but
also
Linking Words
 tune is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of our
society
Use synonyms
 because it can connect us with others with the same taste
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 melody.
Submitted by 2563150921 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: