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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
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Many
criminals
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 who finish their
first
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prison
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 term re-offend after they are freed. To deal with
criminals
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 that re-offend, a variety of solutions should be used.
To begin
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 with, most
first
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-time offenders commit crimes again after being released from
prison
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 because of a lack of rehabilitation while in
prison
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.
In other words
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, offenders are not given the opportunity to retrain and learn new skills for their future, or to build a stronger knowledge of proper human morality. When they re-enter the community,
this
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 creates an unstable mentality, making them more likely to become
criminals
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 again.
Secondly
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, having a criminal record makes it harder for them to get work, they become hostile to society.
Furthermore
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, due to a lack of finances, they turn to smaller offences
such
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 as stealing or vandalism.
For example
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, crime rates are high in many countries just because the
criminals
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 are treated differently and embraced by the community.
As a result
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, they are forced to repeat criminal behaviours. It will take the cooperation of the entire society to overcome
this
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 issue. The government can assist offenders by providing them with effective work skills during their re-education,
in addition
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 to educating them about human morals, so that they can begin a new life after being released from
prison
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.
Furthermore
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, the government can cooperate with residents to provide jobs for ex-prisoners. On the one hand, they require close government supervision following their release from
prison
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 in order to avoid re-offending,
on the other hand
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, it will help people feel safer by providing jobs for them, allowing them to pay for their lives. In conclusion, people should
also
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 have a more open attitude toward those who have committed crimes, and not be too critical of them, because everyone has the opportunity to restart their lives regardless of background.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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