IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Music
Use synonyms
 is considered the greatest bridge between individuals with diverse cultures and ages. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 assumption since
this
Linking Words
 type of art can improve cooperation skills and emotional connections.
To begin
Linking Words
, one of the unrepeatable forms of art that connects the public with the author emotionally is
music
Use synonyms
. It evokes feelings that cannot be described by words, including joy, empathy, or nostalgia.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these are the only feelings that people can sense social harmony through which causes relentless jumping and singing with the large audience. It is highly recommended adolescents partake in
this
Linking Words
 type of show more often because it offers improvement in their social life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals undergoing therapy are highly advised to go to concerts in order to feel socially united and enjoy the flow of positive emotions. Making a piece of good
music
Use synonyms
 with the help of multiple musical instruments will enhance collaborative skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, well guitarist can be the author of many awesome
music
Use synonyms
 but if he tries to do it with a percussionist, it will require more effort than the previous ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can swap instruments which enables them to explore new sounds, techniques, and rhythms. In
this
Linking Words
 case, amateurs not only get to know other types of musical instruments but
also
Linking Words
 have a chance to work with people from diverse backgrounds and build mutual respect among musicians of different cultures and ages. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the view that
music
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in emotional associations and the promotion of collaborative work.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more specific and relevant. For instance, provide names of musical events or bands known for bridging cultural and generational gaps.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with some awkwardly phrased sentences. A little more clarity and refinement in your phrasing could help your points come across more smoothly.
task achievement
Discuss a counter-argument to increase the depth of your analysis. For example, address the idea that some might believe language barriers in lyrics or different musical tastes could divide rather than unite.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The main points that music helps in forming emotional connections and improving cooperative skills are well-expressed.
task achievement
You show a good balance in discussing both emotional and collaborative impacts of music.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: