There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Students

nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve

academical

Replace the word

academic

show examples

success in order to get into a good university or secure a

well paid

Add a hyphen

well-paid

show examples

job. For

this

reason

Add a comma

,reason

show examples

some people argue that schools need to focus on academic

subjects

and vocational

subjects

should

therefore

not

taught

Add a missing verb

be taught

show examples

at schools. I would argue that while academic

skills

are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more

skills

-based

subjects

Firstly

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

should not only be about teaching academic

skills

but a wider range of life

skills

so that

students

can join society when leaving

school

. Practical

subjects

can help to teach these

skills

students

For example

, physical education teaches

students

how to work as part of a team and

also

the importance of being healthy.

Furthermore

, if cookery is taught

then

students

would learn a great deal about health and nutrition.

Secondly

, academic

subjects

are not of equal

important

Replace the word

importance

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

all

students

. There is the possibility of including more practical

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing

skills

. If they study these

subjects

students

will increase their employment prospects and could help them to secure employment when they leave

school

. It is important to remember that not all

students

will continue to higher education and

school

needs to enable those

students

to find work.

Finally

, too much pressure should not be put on

school

students

. Taking part in

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

like art, music or drama gives

students

the opportunity to be creative.

This

could help them to manage stress degrees and have more productive in other areas. In

conclusion

Add a comma

,conclusion

show examples

I would argue that

although

academic

subjects

being

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

important,

this

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

should not be the only focus of a

school

syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching

students

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

Submitted by Mikado on Tue Mar 29 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Some people think that a country’s progress is completely dependent on its economic success, while others believe that other factors are also important. What are the different factors contributing to the progress of a country? Do you believe that only one factor is important compared to others?

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