IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “When people succeed, it is entirely because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with their success.” Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

#“when #people #work #luck #success #position
“Only in dictionary
success
 comes before
work
”.
This
 is a famous quote
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 tells
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that in real life
one
 must
work
 hard to get
success
. People usually
corelate
Correct your spelling
correlate
relate
success
 with luck, which I do not think so. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I completely concur with that, to get
success
one
 must
work
 very hard,
success
 happens not because of luck. I think
this
 way for two
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 which I will examine in the essay.
To begin
 with, I contend that, there should be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good planning to achieve
one
’s goal. If
one
wish
Change the verb form
wishes
show examples
 to have
success
 in his or her desired field,
then
 there should be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
planning for the process to achieve it.
First
 of all, my own personal experience is a compelling example of
this
. When I was in
school
 I got a chance to participate in
drawing
Correct article usage
a drawing
show examples
 competition
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
district
Correct article usage
the district
show examples
 level. My
school
 give
my
Correct pronoun usage
me my
show examples
 name for
this
 in my class because of my good drawing. The day I come to know about
this
 I started doing painting and sketching daily in my home for at least an hour to make myself more perfect. Since it was a competition, I must be prepared for any topic I will get on the day. I participated and come
first
 in that competition. Which was a big achievement for me and for my class and my
school
.
Second
 is the
interest
. without
interest
Add a comma
,interest
show examples
one
 cannot do hard
work
. If anyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
interest
 in doing their
work
, they will do
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 with determination.
Interest
 brings many things with it,
such
 as determination, motivation, giving as much time
Change preposition
as
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 can give to their
work
.
For instance
, in
school
one
 of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
interest
 in playing badminton but because of her family
pressure
Add a comma
,pressure
show examples
 she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to give more time in studies than in play. Her parents want to become her
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctor. And every
tiem
Correct your spelling
time
 her
Correct your spelling
grades
show examples
grads
Correct your spelling
grades
show examples
 were not so good, but she gives very less time to badminton but whenever she get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to play she play excellent. Because of her good playing
skills
Add a comma
,skills
show examples
 she is now a National level badminton player and won many prizes for her
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that working hard is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 for
success
 than luck.
Submitted by SV on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Persistence
  • Diligence
  • Effort
  • Performance
  • Competitive fields
  • Practice
  • Talent
  • Serendipitous
  • Opportunities
  • Timing
  • Privilege
  • Connections
  • Inherited
  • Networks
  • Entrepreneurs
  • Right place at the right time
  • Preparation
  • Opportunity
  • Lucky breaks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: