IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays it is well known that many
health
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 issues are caused by overconsumption of
sugar
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, which is on many proceed
products
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. Many
people
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 suggest
to
Change the verb form
rising
show examples
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the price
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
products
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 to discourage consumers from buying them. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 will not solve the problem, but the government should focus on
people
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's education
instead
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. According to me, making sugary
products
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 expensive is not the appropriate solution, as many
people
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 will suffer from buying even basic foods and drinks.
Although
Linking Words
sugar
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 is a harmful ingredient, it is found in bread or juice, so what will happen if the price of bread
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
? Once
this
Linking Words
 will happen, a large number of families are going to have a hard time
on
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apply
show examples
buying
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
show examples
. A
rregular
Correct your spelling
regular
 family,
for instance
Linking Words
, with two or three kids, which has low income,
this
Linking Words
 rise
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sugary
products
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, in order to protect
people
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 from
health
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 issues will make them feel
stressful
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stressed
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 to survive
instead
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
public
Add an article
the public
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 should be informed about the
problems
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 that high levels of
sugar
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 consumption can cause
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their bodies. The government, from
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 years, should educate
in
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apply
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schools about
health
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problems
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 due to
sugar
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.
such
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 as diabetes, heart
problems
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, obesity etc.
Therefore
Linking Words
, pupils will be free to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable decision for their bodies, provided that they know every consequence of their choice. In conclusion, just making foods and drinks expensive will not only solve the problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but will cause more. In my point of view, the best way to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is by making them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose it by themselves, as long as, they are informed
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
health
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problems
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 that it can cause, and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be imposed.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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