IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now a days modern modes of transport are available; still some people believe that a bicycle is the best way to get from one place to another. Do you agree or disagree?

In the quarter of ,2021 I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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followed many essay competitions for sustainable issues that focused on food and the environment with microbiology assistance. I participated in the field because I
did
Verb problem
apply
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read and
research
Wrong verb form
researched
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 through many websites
such
Linking Words
 as Z-library about sustainable foodstuff and nature articles and books by foreign researchers, mostly from India.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I attended a writing digital marketing webinar
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sponsored by Google that explained how to influence people to buy products
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reading a text on
social
Correct article usage
a social
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 media advertisement posting . Based on research activities and a soft skills webinar, I produced an essay-writing formula for joining many essay championships. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of many events, I won one that was held by the Food Technology and Agroindustry Faculty of
Matram
Correct your spelling
Mataram
 University for the national second winner about food sustainable solutions from algae. The final result
gave
Verb problem
allowed
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 me to improve my ability in writing skills for other fields
such
Linking Words
 as articles and a story. More
clear
Change the word
clearly
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, I was chosen to help my friend in media for the InovTek Expo 2022
wrote
Wrong verb form
write
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 an article about opening day 1 of the Expo for social media posting. It was held by Badan Riset Daerah NTB (BRIDA) and one of the shows for
welcomed
Correct article usage
the welcomed
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 Motor GP Mandalika 2022, Since I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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entered Senior High School, I helped my father in Iqro’ and Alqur’an teaching kids around my home between
Magrib
Correct your spelling
Maghrib
 and Isya time. I taught them with knowledge from my dad and engaged based on insight from my Islam teacher and friends during Qur’an reading time.
For instance
Linking Words
, I
told
Verb problem
taught
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 a good pronunciation for many of the characters and I taught them with my father's method is shadowing my mouth. I was totally thrilled when they did it well and told their mom that influenced me to be a better teacher similar to my father. The best part was when my dad’s students finished 30 juz and their parents came to my home
for thanking
Change preposition
to thank
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 the already taught children until they graduated. It can tight
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 between two households immediately.

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task achievement
Your essay provides interesting insights into your experiences, but the main argument regarding bicycles vs. modern transport methods is not clearly established. Make sure to fully address the prompt in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is somewhat unclear. Consider organizing your thoughts into clear paragraphs with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more connecting phrases and transitions to guide the reader through your points. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it more cohesive.
content
You have a strong personal narrative that adds a unique perspective to your writing, showcasing your experiences and achievements, which can engage the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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