In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The rising prevalence of childhood
obesity
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and related health issues attracted polarized debate on possible interventions. Arguably, tackling
this
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multi-faced debate is complicated, and some
people
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turn to the
government
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as a significant liability
while
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others point
finger
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fingers
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at all other sectors in society. I completely agree with the statement that the
government
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is mainly obliged to reduce
obesity
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since it’s their role to bring up healthy citizens, and it’s proven to be most effective. In the first place, the primary role of
government
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is to raise healthy children who are
hopes
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hopeful
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of tomorrow. It is their job to safeguard public welfare. Just like the empowering ideal made by Abraham Lincoln that
Correct article usage
the “government
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government
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of the
people
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, by the
people
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, for the
people
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” shall do what’s best for its
people
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. A good example in point is the French
government
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which achieved the lowest
obesity
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rates of childhood
obesity
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among
development
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developed
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countries. It not only passed down strict policies for school canteens to follow but
also
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promoted
healthy
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a healthy
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food culture for children to “eat the rainbow”.
Additionally
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, a top-down governmental approach, delivered at a macro-scale, is most effective at changing public health outcomes. Only a holistic, broad and systematic method can successfully reverse the
obesity
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crisis.
In other words
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, the education sector, the food and beverage industry, and the communities cannot intervene without help from the
government
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. There is robust evidence from
from
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apply
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world research
centers
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centres
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suggesting that governmental policies and population-based
program
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programs
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produce long-term positive changes. Take China’s Double-Reduction policy
for example
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.
This
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new education policy called for alleviating students’ burden and was proved to be an aggressive move. Now, an increasing number of parents encourage their children to practice sports after school
instead
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of doing homework. In conclusion, the
government
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should be held accountable for preventing
obesity
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. As a protagonist in addressing children’s weight problems, it has incomparable force in applying official interventions.
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task response
In your essay, you have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the given topic. Your ideas are well-developed and relevant to the question. However, ensure that you fully address the specific points raised in the prompt, and consider presenting a balanced argument to make your response more nuanced and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. You have effectively supported your main points with relevant examples. To further improve, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas throughout the essay and enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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