IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many ailments stem from using processed
foods
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 and
drinks
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 that have a lot of sugar. Provided that sugar
products
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 were more costly,
people
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 would buy and use them less. In my opinion, making unhealthy
products
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 more expensive is a viable solution. It is my view that the high price of manufactured and processed
foods
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 and
drinks
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 can control the high demand for buying these
products
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 because when these
foods
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 and
drinks
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 are available at a very affordable price,
people
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 tend to buy them more. From a psychological viewpoint, being expensive a product can prevent individuals from purchasing it.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will encourage to eat nourishing
foods
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 and home-cooked meals. It is an undeniable fact that when prices of sugary
products
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 are higher than normal,
people
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 try not to buy them and they have to manage their money for buying other necessary goods.
Hence
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, these unhealthy
foods
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 and
drinks
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 will eliminate their eating habit.
For example
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,
instead
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 of buying expensive juice, they buy more fresh
products
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.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 claim that increasing the prices of sugary
products
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 is not a reasonable solution and cause an unbalanced impact on the economy. They firmly insist that if the government increased the prices of these
products
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, it would put the economy in danger.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing since
people
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 eat more
foods
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 and
drinks
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 which contain a high amount of sugar, they will face daunting health problems.
As a result
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, they have to pay more money for medicines and health care, and it causes more economic crises. In conclusion, I completely agree with raising sugary
products
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 because it makes
people
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 not buy them and leads to decreasing less unhealthy
products
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.
Moreover
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, it helps the government to manage its money for essential health problems.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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