IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, the crimes rate amongst underaged people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

#countries #crimes #rate #people
There is a worrisome fact that the proportion of
crimes
 among teenagers has been rising. Effects of
video
games
 and lacking
care
 from
parents
 might bring about
this
 situation;
therefore
, laws on
video
 game limitations and
parents
’
care
 can solve
this
 problem.
Initially
, so abusing
video
games
 do young people that are led to commit
crimes
, especially
video
games
 consisting of violent content are the common reason. When overplaying
video
games
, many people may have a tendency that makes them act aggressively. The more aggressive their actions are, the more chance they commit a crime;
therefore
, the more young criminals appear.
On the other hand
, lacking
care
 from
parents
 can
also
 be a reason leading to the rising trend of
crimes
 among underaged people. Normally, most
parents
 are responsible for their
children
, while others seem to ignore their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Some
parents
 cannot control and take
care
 of their teenagers because of their busy work or having too many
children
.
This
 leads to the fact that their child can be addicted to the drug, or commit a crime. In order to solve
this
 problem, the government should draft a bill about limiting the
video
 game playing time of
children
.
Moreover
,
video
games
 containing violent content should
also
 be prohibited or censored thoroughly. In fact, in China, the rule that cutting down playing time to half an hour a day has been approved and applied brings about some positive outcomes.
The parent
Correct article usage
Parent
show examples
 should
also
 pay more attention to their
children
 but not be overprotective.
However
, they should focus on the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
children
 and detect whether there is an abnormal signal. In conclusion, in order to reduce the
crimes
 rate among teenagers caused by abusing
video
games
 and
parents
’ reluctance,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should draft a bill and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should pay more attention
Submitted by hoangthanhnam.dav on

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