IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the crimes rate amongst underaged people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

#countries #crimes #rate #people
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There is a worrisome fact that the proportion of
crimes
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 among teenagers has been rising. Effects of
video
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games
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 and lacking
care
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 from
parents
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 might bring about
this
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 situation;
therefore
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, laws on
video
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 game limitations and
parents
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’
care
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 can solve
this
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 problem.
Initially
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, so abusing
video
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games
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 do young people that are led to commit
crimes
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, especially
video
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games
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 consisting of violent content are the common reason. When overplaying
video
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games
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, many people may have a tendency that makes them act aggressively. The more aggressive their actions are, the more chance they commit a crime;
therefore
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, the more young criminals appear.
On the other hand
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, lacking
care
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 from
parents
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 can
also
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 be a reason leading to the rising trend of
crimes
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 among underaged people. Normally, most
parents
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 are responsible for their
children
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, while others seem to ignore their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Some
parents
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 cannot control and take
care
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 of their teenagers because of their busy work or having too many
children
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.
This
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 leads to the fact that their child can be addicted to the drug, or commit a crime. In order to solve
this
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 problem, the government should draft a bill about limiting the
video
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 game playing time of
children
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.
Moreover
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,
video
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games
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 containing violent content should
also
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 be prohibited or censored thoroughly. In fact, in China, the rule that cutting down playing time to half an hour a day has been approved and applied brings about some positive outcomes.
The parent
Correct article usage
Parent
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 should
also
Linking Words
 pay more attention to their
children
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 but not be overprotective.
However
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, they should focus on the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
children
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 and detect whether there is an abnormal signal. In conclusion, in order to reduce the
crimes
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 rate among teenagers caused by abusing
video
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games
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 and
parents
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’ reluctance,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should draft a bill and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should pay more attention
Submitted by hoangthanhnam.dav on

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