Public celebrations (festivals, national day) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important issues. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is well known that the government incurs a lot of expenditure on celebrating various festivals, both national and cultural in a few nations.
Hence
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, some believe that it should spend
this
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cost on other pressing issues. I strongly agree with
this
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and I elaborate on
this
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in the ensuing paragraphs. On one hand, the main benefit of government encouraging celebrations is to preserve the culture and tradition of the land, which could be lost and forgotten if not reminded.
Additionally
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, it fosters patriotism in the youngsters by reminding them of the national struggle.
For instance
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, Indian Independence
day
Capitalize word
Day

The word day should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
, which is celebrated on the 15th of August, reminds us of the freedom fighters and the dramatic change in the country since
then
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, public gatherings at these events allow everyone to socialize because they bring and bond many people of different classes and societies together. In stark contrast, the major disadvantage of the festive arrangements is that a huge amount of funds are dedicated to them despite the poor suffering.
Secondly
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, it is understood that these events account
to improve
Change preposition
for improving

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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neither the status of the low-income groups nor the health condition of ill people. To explain with an example, in developing countries, there are many suffering from chronic diseases and illnesses
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many are severely poor,
who
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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cannot afford to participate in them,
therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is less impacting them.
Thirdly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, recognizing the festivals of only majorities in a multi-cultural nation can enrage the minorities.
To conclude
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, public celebrations demand huge funds. I think it should spend the amount on other activities that can directly improve the deprived than on festivals.
Submitted by puliroshinishetty on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, and each paragraph has a clear focus.
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