Scientists recommend making it mandatory for children to learn how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many researchers trust that learning to play musical instruments can be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents, and,
thus
it should be mandatory for kids;
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
the contrary,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
groups of people oppose it. Even though learning
this
has numerous benefits, I reckon every young
stars
Change to a singular noun
star
show examples
doesn’t need to acquire the skill. In
this
essay, I will
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
the reasons why I disagree with
this
idea.
Firstly
, though I trust the artistic activities are really important for the juveniles to boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their imagination power, we should consider their preferences as well.
For example
: some children can be fond of paintings and not into music. In
such
case
Correct article usage
a case
show examples
, if we make it mandatory to learn
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
musical instruments
instead
of learning how to paint, it could be a burden to them. And, that’s why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they could lose interest which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pressure on their mind.
This
can stop their mental growth and lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
depression.
Secondly
, to be
prominent
Add an article
a prominent
show examples
musician is really a daunting job and sometimes difficult to earn a handsome amount of money to have a good life in some countries.
For instance
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third
world countries or in developing countries, it is still challenging to make big money for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musicians.
In addition
to
this
,
now-a-days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
it is
also
challenging to become a prominent instrumentalist. So, the teenagers who are going to take it as their profession might face difficulties in their future lives. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
I disagree with the statement that all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adults should be obliged to acquire knowledge about playing musical instruments, as there are many teenagers who may have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
to learn other skills.
Submitted by nodirbekmsh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • musical instrument
  • brain development
  • language acquisition
  • mathematical skills
  • foster
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • cultural appreciation
  • emotional expression
  • practical constraints
  • financial limitations
  • elective
  • social cohesion
  • ensemble
  • brain plasticity
  • curriculum
  • negative association
  • passion for music
  • talent cultivation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: