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Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development？

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development？
It is generally acknowledged by some individuals that some
countries
 gain global success by investing in buildings and equipment for certain
sports
 stars rather than the public. Regarding
this
, I strongly believe that it is a negative trend as they neglect inhabitants' health. On the one hand, it is a key factor in increasing the
reporation
Correct your spelling
reparation
 of
countries
 by supporting
sports
 equipment and buildings
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
sports
 players.
In other words
, they can enhance the reputation of their
countries
 as they represent their nations. When famous
asthlets
Correct your spelling
athletes
 get a win
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
international competition, it enhances the image of their
countries
.
For example
, recent media in Korea reports that Yuna Kim who has been supported by the
Korean
government
 and became a successful figure skater has increased the
Korean
 reputation. It has priceless worth. As the example clearly illustrates, if it had not been for
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
Korean
government
, the reputation of Korea would have not been increased like at present.
On the other hand
, governments should spend
state-funds
Correct your spelling
state funds
show examples
 making
facilities
 for the public
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
not for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
. While governments have a responsibility to improve public
service
Change the noun form
services
show examples
such
 as education, health, and
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
, the population has
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 authority to
use
 various
facilities
. As each citizen is a tax player,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should consider citizens which is justifiable.
For example
, a survey conducted by the
Korean
government
 has revealed that almost 20% of inhabitants prefer to
use
state-funding
Correct your spelling
state funding
show examples
 on public
facilities
 rather than supporting some top
asthlets
Correct your spelling
athletes
.
Hence
, it is reasonable to point out that taxpayers hope governments
use
 their taxes for themselves. In conclusion, while I accept that supporting
sports
 stars can sometimes be necessary, there is no doubt to point out that taxpayers deserve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to
use
 various
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
facilities
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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