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Band 4.5

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

#parents #children #home #school
Quite contrary to the conventional custom that absorbs the majority of pupils to schools
for pursuing
Change preposition
to pursue
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 their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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,some guardians prefer their children to follow their pedagogical plans at home.
However
,in my point of view, the benefits of attending classrooms surpass in various aspects.
Nevertheless
,both sides are uttered here. One of the most highlighted positive footprints of going to school has to do with individuals' social abilities, which would increase drastically if they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 in touch with both other students and teachers as well.As a vivid case,not only plays a critical role in their psychological health but they would not encounter problems interacting with other people in their subsequent lives.
Furthermore
,owing to the knowledgeable trainers that exist at educational centres,neither their talents nor their energy would be squandered.
For instance
,the authorities of schools will detect the probable shortcomings that pupils may suffer from,as they have adequate experience in
this
 realm.
On the other hand
, juveniles' concentration is a worth mentioning factor in their prosperity in education.To enlighten,not only would not they be interrupted by their classmates but
also
 the risk of getting involved with adverse activities would decrease sharply.To illustrate,they won't be absorbed in smoking with their friend if they are not in touch with them.
Moreover
,it is necessary
for restricting
Change preposition
to restrict
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 the spread of viruses in emergency situations.
For example
,in the
last
 three years,the domination of
covid19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 has forced all the countries to lock down their schools and provide required infrastructures for folks to attend their classes from their homes.
To conclude
,
while
 some affirmative aspects can be considered regarding studying at home,
such
 as prohibiting either the spread of diseases or being misled by palls,to me,its dire consequences outweigh.
As a result
,the youngster may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not get mature enough if do not communicate with others.
Submitted by drpnima on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of homeschooling versus traditional schooling. However, more focus on presenting a clear stance and providing specific examples to support the arguments would enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on structuring the essay with a proper introduction that states the position clearly and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Additionally, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve cohesion and coherence.
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