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Writing Samples
Band 5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
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It is true that
people
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 these days look at possessions and property to judge how successful a
person
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 is.
Nevertheless
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, I believe
this
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 is not the best way of measuring
success
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 as not every rich
person
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 is successful in life and vice versa. First of all, having a good financial status does not necessarily mean that a
person
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 is leading a successful life as the way
success
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 is measured could be different based on a
person
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’s beliefs and attitudes toward wealth. Some
people
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 may not need a luxury mansion or an expensive car in order to feel a sense of accomplishment.
For example
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, starting up a new community project would be a huge
success
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 for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 founder of a charity organisation.
However
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, to an entrepreneur,
this
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 may not bring as much satisfaction as gaining a huge amount of money.
Similarly
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, a kid may consider reaching the top of the
leader board
Correct your spelling
leaderboard
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 in a game as a sign of
success
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.
In addition
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, there are a lot of rich
people
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 who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 make time for their loved ones and sometimes they end up being divorced. There are several qualities that make a
person
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 successful. One quality
that is
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 common among
people
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 of
success
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 is perseverance. In the face of failures, they opt to examine their mistakes closely, learn from them and bounce back. Another characteristic that every successful
person
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 tends to have is that they exploit their existing networks in order to make their business thrive.
In other words
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, they never hesitate to approach their partners or friends in times of need.
Furthermore
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, they know how to maintain a healthy work-life balance, which is crucial to a happy life. They set priorities and always make sure they spend enough time with their families no matter how hectic their schedule is.
To conclude
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, material belongings and properties do not really measure a
person
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’s level of
success
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 as there are other equally important factors like a balance between work and family.
Submitted by sirenaphyo on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt adequately by discussing the relationship between wealth and success. However, you can enhance task response by providing a more balanced view on whether wealth is the best measure of success.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is good for coherence. To improve coherence, make sure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Consider using transitions to connect your points more effectively.
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