In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

The

consumption

behaviour has shifted lately. Whereas shopping in the past was considered an activity included in our daily lives, today it is seen as a leisure task.

Although

this

can certainly be beneficial, I express concerns about

this

new

consumption

era people are living

Change preposition

in.

show examples

It has to be acknowledged that in general, doing shop is a popular activity that provides entertainment to the population.

What in

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

the past the focus was on purchasing only what was necessary, nowadays shopping can be considered a hobby that can lower stress levels and lift people’s

mood

Fix the agreement mistake

moods

show examples

. In

this

context,

this

activity is associated with a sense of achievement which can release dopamine levels.

In addition

, when you shop you can

also

interact with people around being good for social interaction and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

consequence better mental health.

However

, we should not ignore the potential downsides. Since the development of capitalism, shopping has increasingly leaned towards an addiction cycle.

This

trend demonstrates that

first

, the capitalist system forces individuals to consume. There is always a better service in the market or a brand new product. These behaviour influence individuals to get stuck in the loop of

consumption

In addition

, the system triggers human beings to focus only on materialist items. In

this

context, social principles and values have loosed their relevance which can soften the patriotism of a country.

Finally

, in a micro perspective, families that give more focus on shopping rather than social presence,

such

as value family, friendship and companionship It is reasonable to conclude that, even though shopping has some benefits, the new world order of

consumption

brings

less

Correct quantifier usage

fewer

show examples

moral and ethical principles to society.

Although

we should do everything within our power to strengthen the world and bring more integrity to individuals, I cannot see a bright future for the

generations.

Submitted by igoncalves.guerreiro on Mon Apr 04 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

302 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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