IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping their children with schoolwork. Others think that they should allocate more time to playing sports with their kids. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #time #children #schoolwork #sports #kids
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It is a common belief that
parents
Use synonyms
 should invest more time in helping their
children
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 with
schoolwork
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.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that playing
sports
Use synonyms
 with
children
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 is more important because doing so can build a bond between
parents
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 and
children
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. On the one hand, when
parents
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 provide help with
schoolwork
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, it encourages
children
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 to develop an interest in studying. Specifically, by assisting their
children
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 with any problems they have with their work,
parents
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 make their
children
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's tasks seem less difficult.
This
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 can
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
show examples
 greater results in classes and lead to better grades in the long run.
For example
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, research has shown that
children
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 whose
parents
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 help them solve math problems get better grades than those who do their work on their own. Assisting them with their
schoolwork
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 makes
children
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 more enthusiastic about studying, thereby providing a basis for their academic success.
Nevertheless
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, playing
sports
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 is a better way for
parents
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 to connect with their
children
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. It fosters open communication by making
children
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 feel more comfortable about sharing their thoughts with their
parents
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. The experience of cooperation and bonding, which is a part of every sport, removes any feelings of nervousness
children
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 may have in the presence of their
parents
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. In fact,
in
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apply
show examples
a recent study revealed that
children
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 express their opinions more when their
parents
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created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 a relaxed environment by playing
sports
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 with them. Topics that
children
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 may consider too embarrassing or difficult to discuss under normal circumstances are brought up more easily
while
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 playing
sports
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. The result is that
parents
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 and
children
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 build closer relationships.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is apparent that helping with
schoolwork
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 is
one-way
Correct your spelling
one way
show examples
parents
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 can support their
children
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, it is undeniable that playing
sports
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 together is more important
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner. Additionally, aim to include a stronger introduction and conclusion to your essay.
task response
While you have presented some relevant points, make sure to thoroughly address the prompt and maintain focus on the given topic throughout the essay. Include more comprehensive ideas and provide examples that directly support your points and opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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