Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

this

contemporary world, television has become a great means of entertainment in the life of everyone. It can make people inactive and refrain them from being social. I partially agree with

such

a notion and I will discuss my reasons for the same. On the

first

Correct word choice

other

show examples

hand, the availability of a plethora of channels for various genres can attract anyone to watch TV for a longer duration. Because of the constant source of entertainment, the person watching it remains at home sitting

ideal

Change the word

ideally

show examples

enjoying their time.

For instance

, every Sunday, broadcasters broadcast the latest movies and many prefer to watch them back-to-back.

Hence

, they are not only being lazy but

also

getting isolated from their friends and relatives.

On the other hand

, with the help of news channels, a person can remain connected with the world. By watching the latest current news, humans get to know what is happening around them and they try to be a part of any event if needed.

For example

, during the latest pandemic Covid-19, many social workers were getting updated information about the availability of beds and oxygen cylinders in hospitals from local news broadcasters which aided them in guiding patients

accordingly

Thus

, with the help of the media, they contributed efficiently to society.

To conclude

, television is the best way to enjoy leisure time;

however

, uncontrolled usage of it can make people unfit and disconnect them from the social network. I think with the controlled use of it, one can enjoy their life and get the desired knowledge of surroundings.

Submitted by hvyas on Tue Apr 05 2022

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Task Response

Task Response: Ensure you fully address the prompt. Provide a clearer stance at the beginning and support it consistently throughout the essay. Consider discussing both positive and negative aspects of television's impact on people's free time.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: Improve the organization of your ideas. Use clearer paragraph structure with topic sentences and supporting details. Connect your ideas more smoothly to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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