working hourse should be reduce / do you agree or not

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The
time
that
people
spend in their workplace is
one
of the most controversial topics. some argue that it should be reduced during weekdays. l overwhelmingly agree with
this
mindset.
One
of the most critical aspects of it is the enhancement of creativity among the
people
who are working in the same place. when
people
have enough
time
to relax that person becomes more motivated to do their tasks more accurately in order to flourish in his field. Apple company is
one
of the most evident examples, that action a
lot
to the
time
as the main factor for its innovative achievement and with the help of now Apple is
one
of the most profitable workplaces.
Moreover
,
this
environment can significantly diminish a
lot
of stress that employees have been struggling with . The main reason behind it is the peace of mind that being in
this
place can create for them. Another critical benefit of it is the improvement of the balance between the job and their personal life. by having free
time
people
can participate in a diverse range of activities to recharge themselves self start a new day.
For instance
, it provides unique opportunities for parents to spend
time
with their children by playing with them and nurturing them with their own mindset, which leads to fostering strong relationships among them.
Moreover
, the effects on their well-being should not be overlooked. in
such
places,
people
feel more comfortable about their careers, which leads to being more have a more positive environment that avoids a
lot
of diseases that may happen to us. Some
people
argue that reducing
time
can stop us from following our dream of upward mobility and create a
lot
of challenges to stop us from our goals. I completely reject it. having
such
plans not only helps us to be on the right path but
also
, we can be more innovative and open-minded about our lives. In conclusion, working hours should be priorities in most workplaces if they want to thrive in their career.
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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language use
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the use of varied linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that work well to frame your argument.
task achievement
You present a relevant example about Apple that suitably illustrates your point about creativity and reduced working hours.

Your opinion

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