IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some countries spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on
music
Use synonyms
 shows and theatre performances
instead
Linking Words
 of using that fund on public
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as public transportation. I believe that all governments should spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on public
services
Use synonyms
 which will benefit all members of society. There are several reasons why governments invest in
music
Use synonyms
 and theatres.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is considered to be an attraction for tourism, since all tourists will visit the cities that play the most shows.
For example
Linking Words
, Rome in Italy is famous for its musical shows, which attract people to visit it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it brings more financial benefits for the
country
Use synonyms
 which will increase the economy.
Finally
Linking Words
, it will provide the local people with a better income,
such
Linking Words
 as taxi drivers.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that governments must spend the
money
Use synonyms
 on public
services
Use synonyms
 since it is beneficial for all society members.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending it on
music
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. It should be cheaper than usual transportation
such
Linking Words
 as trains and cars. It will have a positive impact on all workers, like teachers. If that budget is used for transportation, many people will be lifted up from poverty. And the users of these
services
Use synonyms
 are students, policemen, and workers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the economic situation will change in a better way.
However
Linking Words
, it will improve the quality of our lives. In conclusion, my view is that all governors must use the
country
Use synonyms
's funds for public
services
Use synonyms
 more than
music
Use synonyms
 shows and performances, which is too positive for the
country
Use synonyms
's members.
Also
Linking Words
, to increase the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all points are clearly articulated and fully developed. For instance, when discussing tourism and financial benefits, provide deeper insights or additional examples to strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas. Use linking words to make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This can enhance argumentation and provide a more comprehensive perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents both viewpoints, showing understanding of the complexity of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer's opinion, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural enrichment
  • National identity
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Economic stimulus
  • Heritage preservation
  • Infrastructure
  • Social welfare
  • Quality of life
  • Educational outreach
  • Public versus private funding
  • Civic engagement
  • Mental well-being
  • Arts advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: