IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theaters #waste #money #services
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Some countries spend their
money
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 on
music
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 shows and theatre performances
instead
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 of using that fund on public
services
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such
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 as public transportation. I believe that all governments should spend their
money
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 on public
services
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 which will benefit all members of society. There are several reasons why governments invest in
music
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 and theatres.
Firstly
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, it is considered to be an attraction for tourism, since all tourists will visit the cities that play the most shows.
For example
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, Rome in Italy is famous for its musical shows, which attract people to visit it.
Secondly
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, it brings more financial benefits for the
country
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 which will increase the economy.
Finally
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, it will provide the local people with a better income,
such
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 as taxi drivers.
However
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, I believe that governments must spend the
money
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 on public
services
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 since it is beneficial for all society members.
In addition
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, spending it on
music
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 is a waste of
money
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. It should be cheaper than usual transportation
such
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 as trains and cars. It will have a positive impact on all workers, like teachers. If that budget is used for transportation, many people will be lifted up from poverty. And the users of these
services
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 are students, policemen, and workers.
Furthermore
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, the economic situation will change in a better way.
However
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, it will improve the quality of our lives. In conclusion, my view is that all governors must use the
country
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's funds for public
services
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 more than
music
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 shows and performances, which is too positive for the
country
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's members.
Also
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, to increase the economy of the
country
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.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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task achievement
Ensure all points are clearly articulated and fully developed. For instance, when discussing tourism and financial benefits, provide deeper insights or additional examples to strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas. Use linking words to make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This can enhance argumentation and provide a more comprehensive perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents both viewpoints, showing understanding of the complexity of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states the writer's opinion, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural enrichment
  • National identity
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Economic stimulus
  • Heritage preservation
  • Infrastructure
  • Social welfare
  • Quality of life
  • Educational outreach
  • Public versus private funding
  • Civic engagement
  • Mental well-being
  • Arts advocacy
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