IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that museums should be an enjoyable place to entertain people. While others believe the purpose of the museum is to educate. Discus both views & give your own opinion

#people #museums #place #purpose #museum #discus
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It is often argued by individuals that the museum’s motive is to entertain the masses.
However
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, Others ponder that
museums
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 ought to offer education & knowledge.
This
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 essay will articulate both views as far as I am concerned, I am in the favour of Former notion. To commence with the initial view that why
art
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galleries
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 should be a place of entertainment the people act as a stress buster.
In other words
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, In
this
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 fast-paced era, the Majority of the masses do
work
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 or study which not only lead to franchised scheduler but
also
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 deprives them to provide relief to their minds.
However
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, It can
also
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 give birth to mental disorders which are not fruitful for them.
For Instance
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, A survey was conducted by the Canadian government in 2010 found that 69% of people who preferred to visit
museums
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 for entertainment had the least count of health hassles as compared to others.
Hence
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,
museums
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 should be enjoyable owing to a stress-free life. Shifting toward the final view of how
art
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galleries
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 can connect a multitude among ancestors if they are educational. To elaborate it, By, visiting
museums
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 individuals can enhance their knowledge about their culture and part of their elders which can assist them in their future as when they read about their ancestors they can get experience which can reduce the chance of errors which their elders did in the past because of
this
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 they can do the
work
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 effectively. To exemplify, A headline of BBC in 2009 revealed that having information about ancestors plummets 60% chances of mistakes which leads to profit at
work
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.
As a result
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,
Art
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galleries
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 ought to provide education as it aid to enhance knowledge and experience. To conclude,
Although
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museums
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 should be a place to have fun due to stressful lives and these
also
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 should be educational,
Yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that
art
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galleries
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 must be enjoyable
instead
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 of educational because nowadays people have the burden of
work
Use synonyms
 or study which create many health issues.
Submitted by mandeepsinghsony2022 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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