In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, the number of
crimes
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is still increasing and the percentage of
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
who are involved is
also
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rising. Certain
people
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think that teenage criminals who commit heavy
crimes
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should be sent to
jail
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along with
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adult
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people
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and receive the same rehabilitation.
This
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essay will shed light on
this
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situation and put forward my opinion that I keep neutral views about
this
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statement. There are several reasons why some
people
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think that
people
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should send
teenagers
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to
jail
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and enjoy the same treatment as adults.
Firstly
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,
this
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law
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can ensure community safety, if some
teenagers
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make the mistake of breaking the
law
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, and can warn other
people
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who want to commit major
crimes
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.
Secondly
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,
according to
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some popular humanity projects when those
people
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get involved in some heavy
crimes
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, it is because they keep away from school education and their parents teach for a long time, they come into contact with some bad
people
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when they are too young to realise which will cause them to mature too early and
then
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they will end up in
jail
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repeatedly.
For instance
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, some
people
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need to survive, but they don’t have any jobs or careers to support them, and they only choose to steal other
people
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's valuable stuff,
also
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this
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issue can cause
people
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to hurt others or cause social instability,
this
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is not something that normal
teenagers
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can usually do.
On the other hand
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, solving any problem should consider each point and not be extremes,
this
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situation is no different.
For example
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, some
teenagers
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are only breaking the
law
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for the first time, they have just left home and school, if they are sent to the
adult
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jail
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,
this
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place only has manual labour and the criminals
also
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can affect young
people
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's minds. When they end the time, they will continue to make mistakes. There are some projects that if the government gives young
people
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some mental intervention and sends them to the teenage
jail
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, rather than an
adult
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jail
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, when they first break the
law
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,
this
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situation can effectively make
teenagers
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not make mistakes. In conclusion, though I agree that sending
teenagers
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to
adult
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jail
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receives the same punishments, I
also
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think when young
people
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break the
law
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, the court cannot first think about sending them to
jail
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, they should observe whether those
people
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can correct their mistakes.
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical structure; however, there are numerous instances where the flow of information is disrupted due to punctuation errors, lack of linking words, and ineffective paragraphing. The necessity for a clear introductory statement and a decisive conclusion is present, but both need to be strengthened to explicitly reflect the essay's position on the issue.
task achievement
While you provide an attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, your essay would greatly benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree with the given statement. This would enhance the completeness of your response and provide a solid grounding for the development of comprehensive ideas. Additionally, specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument should be introduced and elaborated to support your position effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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