In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, the number of
crimes
is still increasing and the percentage of
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
who are involved is
also
rising. Certain
people
think that teenage criminals who commit heavy
crimes
should be sent to
jail
along with
adult
people
and receive the same rehabilitation.
This
essay will shed light on
this
situation and put forward my opinion that I keep neutral views about
this
statement. There are several reasons why some
people
think that
people
should send
teenagers
to
jail
and enjoy the same treatment as adults.
Firstly
,
this
law
can ensure community safety, if some
teenagers
make the mistake of breaking the
law
, and can warn other
people
who want to commit major
crimes
.
Secondly
,
according to
some popular humanity projects when those
people
get involved in some heavy
crimes
, it is because they keep away from school education and their parents teach for a long time, they come into contact with some bad
people
when they are too young to realise which will cause them to mature too early and
then
they will end up in
jail
repeatedly.
For instance
, some
people
need to survive, but they don’t have any jobs or careers to support them, and they only choose to steal other
people
's valuable stuff,
also
this
issue can cause
people
to hurt others or cause social instability,
this
is not something that normal
teenagers
can usually do.
On the other hand
, solving any problem should consider each point and not be extremes,
this
situation is no different.
For example
, some
teenagers
are only breaking the
law
for the first time, they have just left home and school, if they are sent to the
adult
jail
,
this
place only has manual labour and the criminals
also
can affect young
people
's minds. When they end the time, they will continue to make mistakes. There are some projects that if the government gives young
people
some mental intervention and sends them to the teenage
jail
, rather than an
adult
jail
, when they first break the
law
,
this
situation can effectively make
teenagers
not make mistakes. In conclusion, though I agree that sending
teenagers
to
adult
jail
receives the same punishments, I
also
think when young
people
break the
law
, the court cannot first think about sending them to
jail
, they should observe whether those
people
can correct their mistakes.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical structure; however, there are numerous instances where the flow of information is disrupted due to punctuation errors, lack of linking words, and ineffective paragraphing. The necessity for a clear introductory statement and a decisive conclusion is present, but both need to be strengthened to explicitly reflect the essay's position on the issue.
task achievement
While you provide an attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, your essay would greatly benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the extent to which you agree with the given statement. This would enhance the completeness of your response and provide a solid grounding for the development of comprehensive ideas. Additionally, specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument should be introduced and elaborated to support your position effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: