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Band 6

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #cities #work #consequences #offer
It is
irrefeutable
Correct your spelling
irrefutable
 that myriads of individuals from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 are relocating
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urban
areas
 to have better
job
opportunities
.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 it is causing
Correct your spelling
detrimental
detremental
Correct article usage
a detremental
show examples
 effect on
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 environment
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of migrants is soared exponentially
Therefore
 due to
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of basic amenities and
job
opportunities
 crime rate will
also
 increase.
This
 could be resolved by providing basic
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 and employment in rural
areas
.
To begin
 with, the
people
 moving from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to the
cities
 will result in
damaging
Add an article
the damaging
show examples
 environment.it has been observed that villagers are attracted by limelights of
cities
.
Therefore
,
such
 fascination leads to relocating from rural to urban
areas
.
However
, with
this
,the
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
is deteriorated
Change to the active voice
deteriorates
has deteriorated
show examples
 because the reason
cities
 are constructed according to the population residing in it,and it becomes difficult to provide
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 for them.
In addition
 to it,traffic congestion will
also
 hike dramatically,
Consequently
 which will be the cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pollution that would be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 local residents.
Hence
,to plummet the issue basic facilities must be provided to the populace by the prevailing
governement
Correct your spelling
government
.
Furthermore
,shifting will
also
 cause
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate because finding in
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 in never been easier,there are already heaps of
people
 and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of migrants will
also
 amplify competition among
people
 due to which it becomes challenging to grab a
job
 opportunity,
therefore
 the
people
 will be compelled by the situation to violate
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 for earning bread and butter.In order to overcome
this
 scenario,more
opportunities
 apart from agriculture should be generated in the
countryside
.
This
 could be possible by building factories and industries in nearby
areas
 of villages. So,individuals can be appointed ; which would refrain them from relocating
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urban
areas
.
For example
, According to the survey due to lack of
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
employments
Correct your spelling
employment
show examples
,migrants moving from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to urban
areas
 are more likely to move against law in order to earn
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
 which ultimately leads them to move behind bars.
Therefore
 creating
job
opportunities
 in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 will motivate individuals to stay rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
relocating
Wrong verb form
relocate
show examples
. In conclusion,to preserve the environment of
cities
 and to plummet
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to provide better employment
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and amenities in the
countryside
.
Submitted by Alvina Muqeet on

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