With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressures #today’s #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children

In our modern times, education plays an important role in young people’s life.

Also

students

have to achieve in an academy. Some are of the view, some

subjects

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

necessary to teach in school. From my point of view, I suppose that non-academic

subjects

are crucial for

students

This

essay will discuss both statements as follows. There are many reasons why

subjects

like physical education and cookery should be

teached

Correct your spelling

taught

show examples

in academy institutions.

First

of all,

students

can learn a skill that helps them in daily life. Cooking classes have many benefits to assist people to cook food.

Also

, cooking skills are able to help

students

when they want to do part-time jobs during the term

ending

Change the form of the verb

ends

show examples

Secondly

, children should participate in some

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

to relax themselves from stress. Physical education is the best way to relieve stress.

On the other hand

, academic

subjects

are essential to

learn

Change the verb form

learning

show examples

because

students

have to use knowledge about those

subjects

for admission to the university. If they can not study well that will make them get a low score in the exam.

Moreover

, eliminating unnecessary

subjects

will help

students

concentrate more on their

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

. As an illustration, some

students

have to study for a long time to understand the lesson, so if they go to learn necessary

subjects

they will have no time for study. In conclusion, non-academic

subjects

make

students

waste their time studying.

However

, I completely agree that

students

have to learn non-academic

subjects

at school because they have to learn other skills to take care

themself

Change preposition

of themself

show examples

when they grow up.

Submitted by march03042543 on Wed Apr 06 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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