More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Most people say a rich country creates an easy life for its citizens and that most juveniles from
well to do
nations suffer from obesity. Add a hyphen
well-to-do
This
is because of the cheap availability of junk food and lack of exercise.
First of all, Children from outstanding economies tend to easily attain junk food because it is very cheap and easy to access. They are likely to eat it every day without the knowledge of the possible health implications they may develop . For example
,most boys and girls from America who usually eat things like chocolate, candy, fast food etc have been diagnosed with diabetes without any family history of it the unfortunate fact is that diabetes can not be cured but causes more complications for the body. This
explains why overweight problems in juveniles have become a major concern in the developed world.
Furthermore
, being obese may be very limiting because a body becomes too heavy to function normally and these young people fail to involve themselves in activities that promote exercise, which may include participating in sports.Since this
obesity overcomes the body children suffer from health complications at a very young age which is a worrying factor. For instance
, many pediatric research facilities have recorded early deaths in young people from rich countries because of their bad health habits which include failure to exercise, as a result
, many homelands are concerned.
In conclusion, I think that most juveniles are overweight because unhealthy meals are cheap to access and that
they're too heavy to engage in activities that involve exercising Correct word choice
apply
therefore
this
is a big problem.Submitted by felicamwinji on
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task response
Task Response: The essay provides some relevant points on the causes and effects of children becoming overweight in developed countries. However, it could benefit from a more in-depth analysis and specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: There is a logical structure in the essay, but the introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to provide a clearer frame for the discussion. Additionally, the essay lacks smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs, impacting the overall coherence and cohesion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite