IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine. Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #vacancies #specialist #areas #medicine #movement #part #workers #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 many
people
 believe that most rich
countries
 encourage talent from poor
countries
 to develop their
countries
 by stealing, others feel that it is just a natural movement of workers to choose what they want to do around the globe. It is agreed that
this
 is happening at the worldwide level using poor
countries
 to mine
people
 for the following reasons; first is the economy and second would be control of the cosmos. The first and foremost argument is why wealthy
countries
 mine the
people
 who have a
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 in engineering, doctors, and computing level that could help their
countries
 boost the economy and utilize their skills to do research projects.
This
 means the rich can become richer and the poor become poorer.
For example
, a recent article states that the United States of America is a country that allows immigrants to develop their skills to get Green cards and in return serve the nation,
hence
,
such
 type of policy helps the
countries
 to increase the economic level. Another argument is the control of power which is
also
 a reason to become a wealthy nation from poorer. If the talented person has all kinds of skills and merges into a group of nations, and
this
 group of
people
 is hired from the wealthiest country.
This
 leads to control of the world in various sectors by creating reforms and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the protection of society.
For instance
, The United States of America is only the country, which serves countless service to poor nations
such
 as Africa and Iran. In conclusion, it is obvious that many developed
countries
 hire talented
people
 from poor
countries
 for their benefits.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay needs a stronger logical structure. Introduce each point clearly and create distinct paragraphs for each main idea.
introduction/conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be improved. Make sure they clearly state the thesis and summarise the main points without introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
supporting details
Support your main points with detailed examples and explanations. Each main point should be elaborated with specific evidence or examples to strengthen the argument.
task response
Ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The position should be clear throughout the essay and the response should cover all aspects of the prompt.
clarity
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for clarity in expressing your arguments, avoiding ambiguity or overly complex sentence structures.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to back up your points. Examples should directly support the argument and be drawn from credible and identifiable sources.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Globalization
  • Skilled workforce
  • Socioeconomic growth
  • Economic disparity
  • Specialist areas
  • Free market of skills
  • Immigration policies
  • Labor market
  • Talent attraction
  • Professional development
  • Remittances
  • Economic incentives
  • Knowledge transfer
What to do next:
Look at other essays: