IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are more new towns nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that leisure time activities play an important role in the development of
city
Correct article usage
a city
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 and social life. Many
people
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 believe that
cities
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 should have versatile public
centres
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such
Linking Words
 as parks and sports
centres
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 for
people
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 to enjoy their leisure time
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I firmly agree that
Cities
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 that have public
facilities
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 can provide a better quality of life.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that the number of public
centres
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 measures a city's social life performance
which
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, which
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 can reduce mental health problems caused by loneliness.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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 they provide a safe environment for
people
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 to socialise and interact with one another.
For instance
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, recent Harvard studies show that being surrounded by public
centres
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 enhances a healthy lifestyle in large
cities
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, as seen in examples
such
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 as New York and Montreal.
Therefore
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,
cities
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 benefit from public
facilities
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 as they serve as a source of stress relief for their residents.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that public areas can reduce the impact of climate change by planting more trees and maintaining green spaces.
In addition
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, these initiatives can raise awareness among
people
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 and add value to their lives. To illustrate, British Columbia's community has numerous
facilities
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 and was selected as the best community for preserving its public
centres
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 well.
This
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 clearly demonstrates that creating more public spaces can change
people
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's minds. In conclusion,
although
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cities
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 are growing swiftly and require more space for accommodation, I completely agree that these
facilities
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 have positive consequences for
people
Use synonyms
's mental health and environmental awareness.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why parks and sports places are more important in new towns.
task response
Give one or two very clear examples. Your examples now are a bit general and not fully explained.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Show how parks and sports places help people in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Add short clear steps between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point and explain it fully before moving on.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
task response
The essay stays on the topic of public parks and sports places in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'Furthermore' and 'Therefore' to guide the reader.
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