More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
My name is Justine Zanini, and I am writing to you because I would like a bridging visa B to visit my family from the 14th of June until the 28th of August. I come from France
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and have been in Perth since the 11th of February 2020. I lived and worked in Australia during the COVID pandemic and was unable to visit my family and friends back home for 2 years and a half. I really miss them. I am an engineer, and I am currently holding a 403 visa until the 30th of June. My current role ends on the 1st of June. I am looking to start a new job on the 1st of September
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and already have a few offers.
That is
Linking Words
the reason why I would love to visit my family back in France while I will be unemployed. My mother is retired and my sister is
also
Linking Words
unemployed until September as well.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will be the perfect situation for all of us. While I will be in France, I will be attending a close friend's wedding, and the baptism of my niece: I will be her Godmother. My presence is indeed required. You can find attached a letter from my sister testifying that her daughter will be my goddaughter. She is now 2 years old and I barely
saw
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
her. I
also
Linking Words
have 2 nephews
Change preposition
to who
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
I am very close
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. They really want me to come back for a few weeks. We are planning
my
Change preposition
for my
show examples
mother, sister, niece and nephews to do a road trip
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
California in August. My mother took the opportunity to organise for all of us on a big trip. She wanted us to be reunited after a very long time. She already booked us the flights.
Submitted by justine.zanini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • delaying parenthood
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • personal goals
  • higher education
  • fertility treatments
  • relationship stability
  • health care improvements
  • personal development
  • postponing children
  • achieve milestones
  • family planning
  • modern society
  • life expectancy
  • paternal and maternal age
What to do next:
Look at other essays: