IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do ypu agree or disagree? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#week #workers #weekend #ypu
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In today’s rapidly changing world, the duration of working in a week is a topic of debate. Some argue that
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
show examples
time
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 should be shorter
thus
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people
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 would have a longer free
time
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. I firmly believe that making dynamic hours for employers can greatly balance
outcomes
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 and social
life
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.
Firstly
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, a shorter
work
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 duration encourages
people
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 to
work
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 effectively. All breakthroughs in the
last
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 decades in
this
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 world could make
people
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 more efficient using these tools, especially for working.
For example
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, an administration had been shortcutted by artificial intelligence. In consequence,
people
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 can
work
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 in a short
time
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 but have
outcomes
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 that are equal to working a whole day.
Moreover
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, adults need
quality
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 interaction with their family or
also
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 hobbies to contribute to a high level of their mental health. Having a good social
life
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 and mental health automatically has an impact on their
work
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quality
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in particular
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 increasing focus and responsibility to complete tasks. Individually mental health is not only beneficial to working circumstances but
also
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 contributes to development.
While
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 some argue that shorter
time
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 working can be detrimental to
work
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’s
quality
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, it is important to recognize the responsibility of working balance which means employee have to take their tasks responsibility with valuable
outcomes
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. Corporations can implement
laboring
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labouring
show examples
 guidelines and balance
outcomes
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 with goal achievement. In conclusion, a shorter
time
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 for
labor
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labour
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 offers undeniable advantages. Efficient working and providing social
life
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 will increase individual
quality
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 of
life
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. As we move forward, leaders and policymakers in companies should collaborate to harness the full potential of roles for the betterment of management.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Although the essay addresses the central topic effectively, providing a clear stand, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments made. For instance, mentioning industries or real-life examples where shorter working weeks have been implemented could strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay partly covers the task's requirements but needs a more exhaustive exploration of arguments. For instance, elaborate on how shorter working hours could be detrimental to work quality and provide counter-arguments to strengthen the overall discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on paragraph transitions to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help in maintaining the logical structure of the essay, making it easier for readers to follow the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly stating the writer's position and summarizing the main points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas regarding the benefits of a shorter working week, such as increased efficiency and improved mental health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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