In some places, old age is valuable, while in other cultures youth is considered more important Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One
of the controversial issues of a community is the average age of its people. Some believe that elders are more precious and essential than younger ones while others think exactly vice versa. Generally, a young population has many more benefits for the
society
than an old
one
as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been proved in long term studies. In some countries that are rare indeed, executives assume elders have a lot of experiences that have been gained gradually from many years of hard work. They believe elders, as people who have spent their lives
to give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
service to the community, must be front runners in all fields of a
society
whose directions can lead youngers rationally. They prefer to leave many political, social or cultural posts and vacancies to them rather than giving an opportunity to youngsters in order to prevent any possible risks and their irreparable consequences.
For example
, a president of a country does not dare to select his or her cabinet from young candidates.
On the contrary
, the majority of experts and social researchers imagine despite elder's valuable and sensible guidance, which is really respectable, we should regard their physical and mental abilities when they are getting
on for
Change preposition
into
show examples
60s
Change the article
the 60s
show examples
that they are not powerful enough to do activities and work the same as what they have been doing already. Eventually, they become retired and turn into consumers only.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
occasion, governments are just charged to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vast amounts of money for various facilities without any outcome in return.
For example
, using different types of health care services that are left to insurance companies.
That is
why they come up with the idea of advising people to increase the population in order to force the crowd to become an energetic
one
in long term. In conclusion,
although
both sides have their own merits, in balance the
second
belief is more acceptable and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
needs
energetic
Correct article usage
an energetic
show examples
and innovative population to thrust the community through the path
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
many rivals in different fields
such
as technology, politics, culture,…. We must regard that the outcome of
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
society
despite risks is much more than the old
one
.
Submitted by farid.detective on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: